i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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