I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
