I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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