Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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