I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You ruined the universe
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
