The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
