I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
