He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
