the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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