Where is the hickey?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
