Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize