'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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