Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
As shirtless as possible
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
