i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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