It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
