Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize