i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
