he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?