every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.