someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.