4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?