It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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