I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
