Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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