the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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