You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
