i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
