It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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