Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
