my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
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we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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