Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.