Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
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Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me