When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.