Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?