Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
