I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
