I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
