is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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