I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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