fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize