Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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