Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
