meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
