thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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