I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
