wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
