Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
