mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
