UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
