Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I could make wine with my vomit
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
