cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
