just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
