I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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