At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
