Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
