I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
