Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
