I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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