I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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