we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
two words...techno handjob
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
