I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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