i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
