Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
