The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
