Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
