Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
