Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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