I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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