clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
