Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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