my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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