How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He has the fingertips of a God
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