VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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